


Always Personal

by alexcat



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon only diverges a little, Canonical Character Death, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, M/M, NOT Hydra Trash Party, Rumlow is not all bad, lots of smut, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-29
Updated: 2020-08-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:35:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26180488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alexcat/pseuds/alexcat
Summary: When it came to Brock Rumlow, things were always personal to Steve.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Brock Rumlow
Comments: 3
Kudos: 31
Collections: Of Elves and Men





	Always Personal

**Author's Note:**

> Steve might have ridden his motorcycle to the Triskelion in The Winter Soldier, but he didn't in my story.

*  
Brock: _"Whoa big guy, I just want you to know, this isn't personal!"_

Steve: _"It kinda feels personal."_

*

Natasha and Steve were driving back from delivering a scientist to a secret SHIELD facility. They were in the usual black SUV that all government agencies seemed to drive. She was driving and Steve was gazing at the scenery. He was never terribly chatty, but he’d been really quiet all day.

“So what’s going on with you and Rumlow?” Natasha finally asked him. 

Steve acted as if he had no idea what she meant. “Nothing.”

“Really? You had him mounted like a dog when I came into the gym Tuesday.” She laughed. “I’ve not heard so many obscenities since I screwed up a mission and Fury lost his shit. You boys have potty mouths.” 

“Damn,” was Steve’s answer and he turned several shades of pink. 

“I didn’t even know you knew those words. Or how to do that,” she said. 

He didn’t know what to say, so he said nothing. 

“Is it serious?” she asked. 

“I – I don’t really know. Probably not.”

“Shit.”

“Shit?”

“Steve, if you don’t know if it’s serious, it’s serious.” 

“I’m not even sure I can trust him. Why would you think it’s more than just scratching an itch?” 

“You look at him like – like I’m not even sure what,” she told him. “He’s crazy about you, too, but I’m not sure you can trust him either. He’s always been all about the mission, no matter what.” 

“So have I,” Steve said. 

“Not really. You care about your team. You put us first. We do our jobs but you put our safety above yours. He doesn’t. It’s all the mission. He will sell you out to complete his mission.” 

Steve fell silent. 

“So how did you two, uh, how did this come about?” 

Steve blushed again. He didn’t say anything for a while. Natasha decided that he wasn’t comfortable telling her and she was really all right with that. 

He started talking. He didn’t look at her, looked forward instead. “I was in the shower after my run one morning and there he was, watching me. I asked him what he wanted and he said he wanted me. I – I couldn’t say no. I didn’t want to say no.” 

Natasha was surprised. She’d never have pegged Steve for someone who’d have sex so quickly and with little previous history with their partner. 

“That easily?” She could have bit her tongue the moment she heard the words come out. 

“Yeah. By the time he kissed me, I was lost.” 

They were almost back home. They had to drop by the office, leave off the paperwork and the SUV. 

“Be careful, Steve.” 

“I care about him. Not like Peggy or Bucky, but I care. Do you know things I don’t?” 

She laughed. “Always, kid. But no, not about Brock.”

“I’m a big boy. I’ll be okay.” He hoped he was telling her the truth. 

*

After work, Steve drove his motorcycle the long way home and checked his phone after he parked and pulled his helmet off. 

BINGO BROCK: _Pizza? My place? 8?_

Steve’s heart sped up. As much as he wanted to downplay any feelings he had for Rumlow to Natasha, the man excited the hell out of him. There had been a few random strangers he’d picked up in bars since he’d thawed, but Rumlow was his first actual relationship since then. He liked the gung-ho bastard. A lot.

Sex with Brock wasn’t just fumbling in the dark. It was a game, a fun game where they both won every time. There wasn’t a lot of intentional affection, but they were soldiers. Neither of them expected it of the other. Which was not to say they didn’t have their moments. Oddly enough, they both seemed to like to kiss. Steve had never met anyone who liked kissing so much. Or kissed any better. 

CAPN AMERICA: _Sure. I’ll bring beer._

The reply was a thumbs up. 

He headed in and showered. He stopped for the beer and was at Rumlow’s place by 8 pm on the dot. Rumlow opened the door just as Steve raised his hand to ring the doorbell. He grabbed Steve and yanked him into his small apartment. 

Steve set the beer down on the table by the door, where Brock usually dropped his keys and phone when he came in. Rumlow pulled him into an embrace and kissed him, his usual open-mouthed kiss that left Steve’s mouth thoroughly explored and his cock filling with blood. 

“Let me get this into the fridge,” Steve said, motioning to the beer. 

Rumlow followed him and, as soon as Steve had put the carton of beer in the fridge, Rumlow was all over him. He pushed Steve against the fridge door and kissed him. 

“Food?” Steve asked, between kissing and feeling Rumlow up. 

“Later?” 

Steve nodded and applied himself to the task at hand, kissing Rumlow back. Rumlow began to drop down to his knees, looking up at Steve before he went to work on his belt and zipper. 

Minutes later, they were racing to the bedroom. Steve’s phone buzzed, followed by Brock’s. They had been called to a situation. Hostages had been taken in New York and the people who took them appeared to be enhanced. 

“Shit! How am I supposed to be able to work?” Rumlow asked Steve. 

Steve grinned. This wasn’t the first time that work had interrupted them and it probably wouldn’t be the last. The sex after was always mind blowing, from the anticipation and delayed gratification, Steve suspected. Who was he kidding? Sex with Brock was mind blowing anyway. 

They got dressed and headed to their staging area. Natasha was already there, grinning at Steve like the Cheshire cat. “What were you and your sweetie up to?” she asked Steve. 

He just shook his head and ignored her. 

The mission was not quite routine. The perps weren’t enhanced but were using technology that no one was aware of. Steve thought it might have been alien tech or, god forbid, something stolen from Stark or one of his competitors. They had worked several hours in a tense situation before subduing the four men and one woman who’d wreaked havoc. They did manage without any casualties, which was always a good thing, Steve thought. 

Natasha winked at Steve as Rumlow walked up to talk to him on their way back to DC. He ignored her. 

Rumlow leaned close and whispered, “Ready for me to finish that blowjob we started?” 

Steve bit his lip and ignored him, or tried to anyway. Rumlow added, “I’m already hard as hell.”

Steve didn’t say anything but he was almost afraid to stand up, afraid _everyone_ would see how aroused he was. When he looked up, Natasha was staring at him and holding back a laugh. He stuck his tongue out at her. 

The seemingly unending plane ride ended finally and Steve and Brock left as soon as the debriefing was done. They didn’t make it far. Brock pulled his SUV over into an empty parking lot not far from the Triskelion. 

“Here?” he asked, turning to Steve with a hungry grin.

“Here works for me.” Steve leered back at him. 

“Let’s get in the back and do what we were doing before they called.” 

“We could wait,” Steve said, his voice much calmer than he felt. 

“Why? My dick’s still so fucking hard I feel like a high school boy. You never fucked anyone in a car, have you?” Rumlow laughed. 

Steve colored a little. “Not really.” He’d done several things with Bucky in a car, but not that. That had been so long ago! 

Rumlow turned to Steve and pulled him close, kissing him, kissing his face, nibbling his neck. Steve rubbed Brock through his trousers. Rumlow pulled away and opened the door. “Grab that lube out of the glove box and come on.” He opened the back and they got in. 

“Can anyone see us?” Steve asked. 

“Nah. The windows are darkened.” He locked them in and turned to Steve. “Now, let’s see what you got, Cap.” He reached out and unzipped Steve’s trousers. They’d changed back to street clothes after the mission though Brock’s street clothes looked like a Black Ops getup as well with black pants and a tight black t-shirt. Steve wore his usual ‘dad clothes,’ as Natasha called them, khakis and a button front cotton shirt. 

Steve leaned back as Rumlow picked up where he’d left off hours ago, freeing Steve from his pants and underwear and taking him into his mouth. “You do that so well,” Steve murmured. Brock looked up, amusement sparkling in his dark eyes. 

The waiting had shortened the time it took to get off quite a bit. Not much more than a minute had passed when Steve grabbed Rumlow’s head and shoved himself as deep as he could into his throat. Once, twice and he cried out, “Fuck!” as he spilled himself into Brock’s mouth. When Rumlow looked up at him with a wicked grin, Steve said, “What the hell? You haven’t done it that way before.” 

“You never asked. Besides, you’re kinda big and I was afraid you’d choke me with that thing.”

“So what changed?” Steve asked him, still catching his breath as he began to undress Rumlow, pulling his dark shirt over his head. 

“Nothing. You shoved it down my throat without asking. What was I supposed to do?” He grinned again. 

Steve pulled him up for a kiss. “You know something?” he asked. “I read, the other day, that men don’t like kissing and only do it so women will fuck them.” 

Rumlow laughed. “I don’t see any women here,” he said as they kissed again. 

Steve unzipped him and, together, they yanked Rumlow’s trousers and underwear off. Once he was naked, Steve held his hand out to him.

“What?” 

“The lube.” 

“You ready again?” Rumlow asked him.

Steve shook his head. “You’re up this time. I like to switch sometimes. Did I not tell you that before?”

Rumlow looked a little panicked for a moment. “You did not!” he finally answered and his wolfish grin was back. He was nothing if not adaptable. 

“You okay with that?” Steve pulled him closer and leaned down and teased a nipple with the tip of his tongue, before sucking at it as his hands explored lower, touching the dark pubic hair around Rumlow’s erection. 

“Just not expecting it,” Rumlow answered with a grin. “I’m pretty much always up for you, Cap.” He flexed his hips, thrusting his cock at Steve. 

Steve wrapped his hand around Rumlow and leaned down and kissed the dampness from his head. “You’re certainly _up_ for me now,” he said with a chuckle. 

Steve poured the lube on his hand and rubbed it on Brock’s cock. 

“Fuck, that shit is cold,” Brock hissed. It didn’t make his erection flag in the least, though. 

Steve leaned back. “I’m not cold. I’ll warm you up.” He handed Rumlow the lube and lay on his back with his knees bent and his legs up. Brock poured more lube and smeared it on Steve’s ass, then in it. He curled his fingers inside Steve after he added the second one, making Steve groan loudly. 

“Mmm, like that, do you?” Brock practically purred as he brushed his finger once more over the same place he’d touched before.

Steve moaned in reply. 

They had not had sex face to face before, so this was new, more intimate somehow. Rumlow moved between Steve’s legs and pulled him closer. He entered Steve slowly and smiled his wicked smile when Steve made a sound as he pressed all the way in. 

“You feel good, Rogers. Tight, hot – god, you’re hot.” 

“Yeah,” was all Steve said he reached for Rumlow, pulling him down over his body. Rumlow braced himself with his hands on either side of Steve as they kissed again. His thrusts were slow at first, but that didn’t last. All the hours of waiting and wanting pushed him to move faster and harder. The suspension of the SUV squeaked as they rocked it. Steve was rubbing himself against Rumlow as he slammed into Steve over and over. 

It was daylight outside but the interior of the SUV was dim with the blackout windows in the back. Steve could still see Rumlow’s dark eyes as he moved closer to release. He’d always thought those dark eyes were as sexy as hell. 

“That’s it,” Steve urged him. “Come on, Brock. Let me feel you come.”

“Yes!” Rumlow cried out as his thrusts slowed for a moment, then he slammed all the way inside. “Steve! Oh my fucking god!” 

Steve felt it, felt the warmth inside, felt Brock’s cock twitch and pulse as he filled him. Steve grabbed his own cock and moved his hand up and down hard, needing to feel that bliss for himself. He was closer than he realized, coming only seconds after Rumlow stilled inside him. Their eyes were locked the whole time. 

After a few moments more, they slipped apart. Brock reached around and found a towel, that he used to clean them both a little. “Want to spend the rest of the day sleeping and hanging at my place?” 

Steve nodded. “Yeah. I need food though. Let’s grab some takeout somewhere. Lots of it.” 

Rumlow laughed. “You got it, Cap.” They dressed and moved back up front. 

*

A few weeks later, the STRIKE team was returning from a mission and Steve was stowing his hear when he heard Jack Rollins ask Brock a question. “What’s with you and Rogers? The two of you are as thick as thieves these days. Anything I should know about?”

“Just team building, man,” Rumlow had answered, almost defensively. 

Steve hadn’t expected Rumlow to tell Rollins they were shagging like two horny teens, but he wondered if Rollins had something going on with Brock as well. He wondered if he was jealous and realized that he may very well be. He didn’t like to think of someone else in Brock’s bed and his arms. Right now, that was his place. 

A few minutes later, Rumlow found him and sat beside him. They were in the back part of the plane where no one else could see them. He was surprised when Rumlow leaned close and kissed him below his ear. “Come over when we get back?” 

“Sure. What was that bit with Rollins?” 

“You jealous?” Rumlow ran a hand up his thigh. 

“Just don’t want to cause conflict on the team.” 

“This is not the team’s business,” he answered and leaned close for a kiss on Steve’s lips this time.

They went back to Rumlow’s apartment, stopping for food on the way. Rumlow had a hearty appetite for more than just Steve and Steve ate like a horse so food was always a part of their time together. 

Tonight’s choice was Mexican food and Rumlow ate it so hot that sweat ran down his face as he ate. Steve preferred his a little milder, but loved watching Brock eat. They had several containers with all sorts of spicy dishes. 

“Not sure you can put that hot mouth on me,” Steve joked as they ate. “Not that peppers will make it much hotter than it already is.” 

“You keep talking like that and we won’t finish our dinner.” 

Steve grinned and went back to eating. After both of them ate their fill, they realized they were actually a little tired from the mission. They flopped on Rumlow’s sofa, with Brock against the end of the sofa and Steve lying in front of him. 

“Baseball?” he asked Steve, leaning close and kissing Steve’s neck. “I read that the reason you knew something was off when you woke was that they were playing a baseball game you’d seen on the radio.”

“Yep. Bucky and I were at the game in May of ’41.”

“Brooklyn Dodgers?” Rumlow raised an eyebrow. 

“Oh, hell yeah. We didn’t miss a game if we could find the money for a ticket.”

Rumlow turned on the television and found a baseball game. It wasn’t the Dodgers, but Steve was good with any game. He’d memorized players’ stats and could reasonably predict winners when he was kid. Watching the game reminded him of the happier times of his youth and of Bucky. And he simply liked baseball.

“Did you play?” Rumlow asked.

“I was 5’4 and weighed 95 pounds when I was a grown man. I could barely hold a baseball and my asthma was so bad that being outside that long would have me wheezing for hours.”

“You certainly grew,” Rumlow said with a grin as he ran a hand up Steve’s thigh and over to his crotch. “This grow too?”

“Not as much as you’d think,” Steve told him, placing his hand on top of Rumlow’s and moving it up and down. 

“Fuck! Really?” 

Steve nodded. “Only part of me that wasn’t anemic and scrawny.” 

Steve felt himself harden under Rumlow’s touch. “You can try for a home run right now if you like,” Brock said as he leaned close to Steve. 

They didn’t notice that it was a no hitter they watched until much later when they heard about it on the sports. 

*

Steve often ran around the Washington Mall before he left for his day of pencil pushing at the Triskelion. He’d noticed another guy running at the same time every day. He’d taken to passing him several times during his own run. One morning they began talking and that’s how he met Sam Wilson.

When Natasha showed up with a mission, she’d teased him in the car. “Found a new fella?” 

“Sam’s a nice guy, I think.” 

She grinned her wicked grin. “I won’t tell your boyfriend.” 

“He asked me to come down to the VA sometime. He’s a counselor. Said I’d make him look good in front of the receptionist.” 

“He’s cute. You should take him up on it.” 

Then she told him about their assignment – the _Lemurian Star_. “Rumlow has the details and he’ll debrief us on the Quinjet.” 

Steve suited up and so did the rest of the STRIKE team. Natasha wore her Widow catsuit and the rest were dressed as the Black Ops commandos they were. The mission didn’t make sense to Steve – especially the fact that it was a SHIELD ship – but he did as he was told. He got a scare when Natasha didn’t answer him during the mission and he was furious with her when it was done. 

“I had a different mission, Steve. That’s all. You might be captain in the field, but we both work for SHIELD and for Fury.” She patted the drive in her pocket. “This was what I was sent for.” 

Steve gritted his teeth and stopped arguing with her. She was right, but that didn’t make it set any better. Fury and SHIELD were still up to the same thing they’d been with the scepter. They never told the whole truth to anyone. He wondered if Fury was even capable of telling the whole truth. 

After he made his report to Fury, including his problems with the mission, Fury had taken him to see the helicarriers and told him about Project Insight. _That_ bothered him more than anything he’d heard since he’d awakened. What the hell were they thinking? He wasn’t sure how much longer he could be a part of something so disturbing. It sounded way too much like Hitler. 

“Hey, what you got going tonight?” Rumlow hopped on the elevator beside him. That was Rumlow’s way of asking him for a ‘date,’ and date meant sex and food. 

“I’d get drunk if I could, but since that ain’t happening, I might do my laundry.” 

Rumlow laughed out loud. “Hmm… you got a machine in your apartment.” He leaned close, because the walls had ears and eyes in this building. “Ever fuck on a washing machine?” he whispered. 

Steve didn’t say anything until they were outside the building. “Have you?” he asked Rumlow.

“Nope. I’m willing to take one for the team to test out the theory that it’s like a big vibrator.”

“Never used one of those either,” Steve told him with a grin.

“I’ll bring my laundry and takeout.” 

Steve nodded and they parted. 

Brock showed up at Steve’s place about an hour later. True to his word, he had a laundry bag, but he also came bearing food and drink. Chinese food, beer and chips. “And I brought a surprise,” he told Steve as they got plates and cups for the tea Steve made for them. 

“Oh? Hint?” Steve asked as they sat on the sofa and began surfing television channels as they ate. 

“No. You have to wait.” 

“So what d’you wanna watch?” 

“Ever watch porn?” Brock asked with his usual smirk.

“No time. I live in a porn movie sometimes with you,” he said with a smile. 

“Want to?” 

“What?” Steve asked. “Live in a porn movie?”

“No. Watch porn?” 

“Um, why not?” 

Steve grabbed his laptop and Rumlow did a couple of searches and soon, they were watching what appeared to be two soldiers making out, then of course, they began stripping one another. Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. They forgot their dinner as they watched. 

Steve wasn’t sure what to say. To say he’d never seen porn was a lie. He suspected Rumlow knew that. His preference was some of the less fancy home movies made by real men. They didn’t have close-ups of the action so much but the ‘actors’ were a damn sight more erotic to Steve. 

“Do you get off watching it?” Brock asked, taking his eyes from the screen to look at Steve. 

“Sometimes.”

“So did they have porn when you were a kid?” 

Steve laughed. “Not so easy to access, but yeah. “

Rumlow nodded to the two men on the screen. “Like this?” 

“Never saw any, but it must have existed.”

The man on the screen sat on his partner and began to ride him. Brock moaned out loud. “Fuck. That’s hot.”

Steve leaned close and whispered in his ear, “Which one would you want to be?” 

“The one underneath.”

“I’d like that, too.” Steve bit his ear as Rumlow moved his hand over to caress Steve through his trousers. “Let’s go to the bed. There’s more room.” 

“What about the washing machine?” Rumlow asked as he set the laptop out of the way and turned to Steve. 

“We’ll get to it later.”

They kissed and touched one another for several minutes before they got up and headed for the bedroom. Steve stripped his clothes off as Brock watched, then Steve stripped Brock as well. 

Once naked, they fell into the bed, caressing one another until both of them were breathless and quite needy. Steve straddled Brock and got himself ready, then took him inside. He was too aroused to take up too much time with foreplay tonight. 

“You need a cowboy hat,” Rumlow said with a laugh, placing his hands on Steve’s waist. 

“Yeeha!” Steve yelled and doffed an imaginary hat. 

They stopped talking as Steve rode Brock, and rode him hard. Rumlow reached for his hands and held onto them as they moved together. Steve pulled one hand free to touch himself as Brock bucked up beneath him. The bed rocked against the wall as they fucked. Steve knew that Rumlow was getting close. He saw it in his eyes and felt it in the tension in his muscles. He moved his hand rapidly up and down his length and was surprised at the pleasure that swallowed him when Brock hit that little place inside him. 

Rumlow arched his hips up into Steve. “SteveohgoditssogoodIloveyouohfuck,” came out in a rush of breath, followed by several moans of pleasure as he came inside Steve, guiding Steve’s rhythm with his hands. 

Steve heard him, heard the words he said. He wasn’t sure what to do so he lay on top of him and put his head beside Brock’s. Arms came up and around him and they both took a few minutes to catch their breath as they held one another. 

“Cold Chinese food?” Steve asked after a few minutes. “I’m starving.” He raised his head and looked down at Rumlow. 

“Don’t you ever get full?” 

Steve wiggled his ass. “Yeah, but I’m still hungry.” 

Rumlow closed his eyes and shook his head. “Let’s warm up the food and eat,” he said, laughing as he shoved Steve off, and somehow, they wound up kissing again. “I thought you were hungry,” Brock murmured between kisses. 

“Hush and kiss me again,” Steve said. 

They ate their dinner sometime after midnight. Steve never did find out what the surprise was. 

*

The next day, Steve’s entire world came unraveled. 

Nick Fury was attacked on the street and hid in Steve’s apartment, giving him a thumbdrive and making him swear not to trust anyone. Someone, a man with a silver arm, shot Fury while he was at Steve’s and Steve and Natasha followed him to the hospital, where he died on the operating table. 

He and Natasha were talking in the hall after Fury’s death when he looked up and there stood Brock and the STRIKE team. They didn’t look happy. 

“Cap, Director Pierce wants to see you. Now,” Rumlow told him. He knew Brock well enough to know that something was off, but he went along with him in one of STRIKE’s SUVs. There didn’t seem to be much choice. Rumlow sat beside Steve. He didn’t say a word and neither did anyone else. 

Before they got out at the Triskelion, Rumlow touched Steve’s arm. When Steve looked at him, he moved his head in an almost imperceptible shake. 

STRIKE delivered Steve to Director Pierce. He was the director of all of SHIELD and Nick Fury’s boss. Steve immediately didn’t like Pierce much. There was something not quite right about him, but Steve couldn’t say exactly what. 

When he got into the elevator, Rumlow and several others stepped in as well. Rumlow said some inane thing about something that made no sense and Steve watched as men kept getting on the elevator. They were all poised for a fight, too. 

Steve took them all out in a matter of seconds. All but Rumlow.

“What the fuck, Brock?” Steve asked, knowing the answer. 

Rumlow made an effort to take him down, but not as much as he could have. “I want you to know it’s nothing personal.” 

“It kinda feels personal,” Steve told him. Before he knocked him out, Rumlow whispered. “Go! They’re going to kill you if you don’t. If I can help you, I will.”  
He kissed Steve and then Steve coldcocked him. 

And ran. 

He went back to the hospital to retrieve the drive. He and Natasha met up and set out to find out what happened. When they took the drive to the mall to try to read it, STRIKE came after them with Rumlow in the lead.

When Steve kissed Natasha on the escalator, Rumlow looked straight at him and he saw that barely perceptible nod again. He let them get away. By this time, Sam had joined up with Steve and Natasha. 

They went after Sitwell for answers and got answers even more horrible than they’d expected. The algorithm would allow them to target and kill millions all over the world, millions who would have stood in HYDRA’s way. The Winter Soldier had killed Sitwell and come for Steve. They all ended up in a full-scale battle in the street.

Time stopped when he saw the Winter Soldier’s face. 

Bucky. 

Rumlow had to have known this all along, didn’t he? He’d been fucking a HYDRA agent for months! He should have killed the bastard when he had the chance!

When he, Sam and Natasha were finally captured, Rumlow tied his hands and whispered, “It’ll be all right.” They loaded him, Sam and Natasha on the truck. A few minutes later, Maria Hill rescued them and took them to a SHIELD safehouse and to Nick Fury, who apparently had risen from the dead. 

“What about Rumlow?” Steve asked Hill after they were briefed on what Fury knew.

“Your guess is as good as mine. He was and is HYDRA, but he has given us intel from time to time,” she said. “I suspect it has something to do with his affair with you, Captain Rogers.” 

Steve didn’t know what to say. 

“Right now, we have to begin work on getting rid of those carriers. We don’t have much time until they start Project Insight,” Hill told them and they all sat down to figure out what they were going to do. Steve insisted that all of SHIELD go down. Fury realized that he was no longer in charge of Rogers, if he’d ever been. 

The three Insight helicarriers went down, SHIELD, Pierce and the Triskelion went down as well. Somewhere in the building, Rumlow was injured badly, but Steve had been so busy trying to take down the carriers and fight Bucky that he hadn’t seen him. Later, Maria Hill told him that Brock was alive, but had been burned badly. She refused to tell him where he was. 

Steve hoped Rumlow would get in touch with him. He had no idea how bad his injuries were, though Sharon Carter told him he’d been in the building when the helicarrier smashed into it and she’s seen him put into an ambulance. He’d been badly burned. 

No word. He mourned the loss of his comrade and lover. Rumlow had been a HYDRA agent, but the things they had were real. He’d be dead himself if not for Brock. 

Natasha had understood his loss and she’d comforted him as best she could. He moved on and the world moved with him. 

Several years later, he heard of a criminal mercenary named Crossbones and rumor had it that Crossbones was none other than Brock Rumlow. Steve went to Maria Hill and demanded answers. 

“Steve, he – well, we dropped the ball. He was kidnapped or escaped after his recovery and he became what you see today.”

“How the hell did that even happen, Maria? Can you tell me that?” 

“He had help, I think. Maybe some of his HYDRA comrades weren’t rounded up. I am sorry.”

He kept an eye out for news of Crossbones, but never ran into him. If they went on a mission somewhere that Rumlow’s crew had been, they always missed him. 

Until Lagos. 

And there he was, with a bomb strapped to his chest. 

Steve stared. His face was disfigured from his injuries and from being burned, but he still saw the man he’d come to care for.

“Rumlow,” he breathed as he looked at the bombs. “Brock.”

“I loved you. Did you know that?” There was rage and pain in those eyes this time.

“I did and I loved you, too.” Steve hadn’t realized how much he’d loved Rumlow until he said the words out loud.

“Why didn’t you try to find me?” 

“I did, Brock. I chased hundreds of leads, but you were like smoke. I could never pin you down.”

“It has to end. I can’t do this anymore. Come with me, Cap,” he said as he squeezed the switch in his hand. 

Wanda used her magic to save Steve, lifting Brock and his bomb up to explode high in the air. Her magic spun out of control and he blew out a whole floor of a high rise when he blew up. Everything in Steve’s world fell apart from that moment on. 

*

Steve was at loose ends. Thanos had snapped half of all life in the galaxy away and here he was, living in New York and trying to live one day at a time. There were so many more to mourn these days. So many. 

He rode his bike into the city. He drove to a bar. It was a bit seedy and in a dangerous part of Brooklyn, but he didn’t care. He’d been there before, several times, as a matter of fact. 

He walked in and took a seat on a stool at the bar.

“What can I get you?” the bartender asked. She knew his face. “Let’s see if I remember. Jack Daniels, neat?” 

He nodded. 

She looked over toward the other end of the bar and back at him. Steve followed her gaze.

The man who sat there was not quite as tall as Steve, dark hair, dressed in black t-shirt, black pants. He looked like a cover model for a paramilitary magazine. He glanced up and his eyes were as dark as night. He would do nicely. 

Steve moved over and sat beside him. 

“Buy you a refill?” Steve asked. 

The man nodded. 

Half an hour later, the man was standing facing the wall in the alley outside the bar. His trousers were around his ankles and Steve was pressed against his backside. The only sounds in the alley were the sounds of flesh against flesh and their grunts and groans. Steve never said a word, just pounded into the man until he found release. And relief. 

When he was done, he turned the man around and dropped to his knees in front of him. 

Not long after that, he was standing in a small cemetery. He read the name on the stone marker. _Brock Rumlow_. There was no body here but he’d had the marker placed not too far from his parents’ graves. It was the least he could do, the very least. 

Steve touched the marker, letting his tears fall freely. And then he turned and walked away.

**Author's Note:**

> My [**Tumblr**](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/alexcat45).


End file.
